Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize