He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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