it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
