I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
