when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
