I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
