i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
