No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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