Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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