I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
