when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
