Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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