You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my liver is dry heaving
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
