I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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