What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize