WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
