The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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