you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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