Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
