i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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