Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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