No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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