Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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