I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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