so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
