What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
