I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
