im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
