my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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