When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
