i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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