Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
