you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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