I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
