bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think i have herpe
just one?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
