im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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