i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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