I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
