So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
is that a dick in a sweater?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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