so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
