yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
