I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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