I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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