Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
