i already hear my dad disowning me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
