You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize