I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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