i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
