a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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