so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
