i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
