Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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