He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
