You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
