Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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