I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
