I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
