I cut my penus on the lid.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
