she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
