She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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