yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
