Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
