its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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