i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
