I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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