walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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