Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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