i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
