OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize