I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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