i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
